So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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