Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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