Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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