She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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