I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
