sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
