Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
