sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
