I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
