yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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