wakey wakey hands off snakey
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
