I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
