This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
