Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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