my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I sprained my soul last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
