is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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