And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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