Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
