i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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