apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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