Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
