Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
