i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
