Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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