I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
