I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Randomize
