if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
