You made me cry and you don't even care
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
