Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
