You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
