it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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