Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
