I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
