i just wanna soil my oats bro
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
