i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
