Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
