I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Help. Why am I so naked?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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