her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
