sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
