She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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