birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
