Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
