Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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