you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
