can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
