is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
