i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
