My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
