Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
