I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
