omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
